Our Hours Upon The Stage
Volume lll: The Denman and Hankins Family 1978-1995
The Wedding Rehearsal
The Cox Reunion, 1978
Values We Tried To
Teach Our Children Epilogue
THE
WEDDING REHEARSAL
N
ancy
came to town during the last few days before the wedding. I had asked Amy to
sing at the rehearsal dinner at the Holiday Inn. Although the dinner had been
planned as a celebration after the rehearsal, it turned out to be a very
emotional affair. Hank had helped me plan the evening, just a few weeks
before. His absence was deeply felt. I know that it was hard for the rest of
the family, too, since it took place only six weeks after his death.
Mary, with son
Charles Thomas Hankins, August, 1978. Double click photo for larger
image.
Andrea Ogle accompanied Amy on the
piano while she sang, "Always and Forever" and "We've Only Just Begun" as a
surprise for the young couple. Amy did a beautiful job with her songs, and the
evening went well. There were feelings of happiness along with the sad
feelings that many of us shared on that particular night, as well as the next
day, at the wedding.
A
ugust
26, 1978, was a busy day for the First family. They had many details to take
care of in preparation for Nancy's wedding to Charles at seven o'clock in the
evening. All of the First family arrived in town the day before the wedding.
On the morning of the wedding day, Mrs. Bonnie Hashe, a friend of Mrs. First,
arranged flowers from her garden for the reception in the Fellowship Hall of
our church after the wedding. Nancy's sister, Ellen, decorated the wedding
cake she had previously baked. Jennifer had baked the groom's cake, and Ellen
decorated it, too. Ellen, her mother, and her sisters did the finishing
touches on the cakes the afternoon of the wedding in the kitchen at the
church. Ms. Jean Broyles, Greeneville's long-time caterer, did the other food
items for the reception following the wedding.
Ruth Thomas played the organ at the
wedding, and Bobbie Christiansen sang a couple of songs. Pastor B. performed
the wedding ceremony, which Aunt Theo Hankins directed, and Uncle Alvin was
Charles's best man in place of Hank. Frank, Allan, and Doug Norton were three
of the groomsmen. Two of Nancy's sisters, Debbie and Shirley, and Amy, were
bridesmaids. Her youngest sister, Liz, was a flower girl, as well as Nancy’s
niece Tricia, Ellen's young daughter. It was a beautiful wedding. Charles and
Nancy left after the reception for their honeymoon. Charles chose to retrace
our Disney World, and Jekyll Island vacation of the previous year for their
trip.
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THE COX REUNION, 1978
S
am
Bishop, Aunt Cora Lou's son, had bought the old Cox home place, renovated it,
and moved into it after my grandfather’s death. He and his wife, Candie,
decided to have a Cox reunion in early September of 1978. Charles and Nancy
had moved and were settled into their apartment in West Knoxville before the
fall quarter at UT started.
Bradley Denney,
Kathleen Cox Wilbanks, Tilman Wilbanks at marriage in late 1970s. Double click photo for larger
image.
Charles wanted to go to the reunion
with Amy and me. We drove to Knoxville and spent the night with him and Nancy
so we could leave early the next morning from Knoxville. When morning came,
Nancy had a headache and stayed at home. Charles drove Goldie when he, Amy,
and I headed to Canton, Georgia.
It had been years since the last Cox
reunion, and I had not attended one since 1950, just after I graduated
college. Years had also rolled by since I had been inside the old home place.
The only times I had seen most of the Coxes were in 1968 at Mama Cox's
funeral, 1972 at Mother's death, and in 1973 at Papa Cox's funeral. It was a
joy to see first cousins with their children and spouses, my aunts and uncles,
as well as my brothers and sisters. Charles and Amy seemed to enjoy meeting
all of them, too. I just wished that Hank could have been there with me. We
had a good day, and in late afternoon we headed back to Knoxville. I did not
know it at the time, but it was the last time I would ever see Aunt Eleanor
Cox or Uncle Glenn Cox.
SOME VALUES WE TRIED TO
TEACH OUR CHILDREN
O
ur
ancestors passed their values down through the generations. Each branch of our
family can be traced back to those with a Christian heritage. A desire for a
better way of life brought many of these people to America.
Front: Thomas Hankins,
Andrew Haag, Brandon Key; 2nd: Eric Haag, Christian Hankins, Megan Key, Brent
Haag; 3rd: Mary Hankins, Charles Robert Hankins, Joel Berlanga. Christmas 1994
in Memphis. Double click photo for larger
image.
They wanted to secure a good
education, and have freedom of religion. In each generation, it has been the
responsibility to pass along our values and Christian beliefs to our
descendants. Mother and Daddy did a good job with that in my home, and Mr. and
Mrs. Hankins did well in their home, too. Hank and I tried to pass along our
Christian faith, our values, and our expectations to our children. The
following is a list of some of these values we tried to teach.
1. TELL THE TRUTH. Hank and I both
believed that we should teach our children to tell the truth. When I was a
young child, I always liked the song we sang in both church and school
assemblies, I Would Be True, an old air from County Derry in England
that was sung at Princess Diana's funeral. The first stanza has always been an
inspiration to me. It goes like this:
"I would be true, for there are those
who trust me;
I would be pure, for there are those who care;
I would be strong, for there is much to suffer;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare”
2. STRONG FAITH IN GOD. We took our
children to church from the time they were babies, said their prayers with
them, and I always tried to set a good Christian example for them. We could
have done more in this area than we did, but hopefully we provided a good
foundation.
3. IMPORTANCE OF A GOOD EDUCATION.
From an early age, we stressed the importance of a good education.
4. FAIRNESS AND HONESTY. We all know
that life is not always fair, but we tried to teach our children to be as fair
as possible, and to be honest. When Hank first ran for office in 1962,
fairness and honesty were two of his key words on his campaign cards, if I
remember correctly.
5. ANYTHING WORTH DOING IS WORTH
DOING RIGHT. That was one of Hank's chief mottos he used with our children. He
knew that he did not always live up to it, but we did emphasize that the
children always try to do their best at what they were doing.
6. COUNT TO TEN. When tempers flared,
I tried to teach the children to follow this rule. And, if counting to ten did
not give them time to calm down, I told them that they should count ten more,
etc. My parents had warned all of the Denman children that we should never be
hasty in such things as signing a petition, or rushing to judgments, but to
take our time and not do anything in haste that we would later regret. Be
especially careful of what you put in writing. I tried to teach my children
that, too, and that sometimes counting might help with this, too. Also, if you
have put something in writing that you are not sure about giving to someone
else, take the time to consider carefully, and tear it up if you realize that
you should not pass that message along. (This effort did not always pay off,
as I still received a few hate notes from one of my little girls when she
became angry with me!)
7. CHOOSE FRIENDS CAREFULLY. Hank and
I both believed that “birds of a feather flock together.” We encouraged our
children to choose their friends carefully, so they would not end up in a
crowd of young people who were doing things that were against our beliefs.
8. BE KIND TO OTHERS, UNSELFISH,
HELPFUL, AND TOLERANT.
Mary on
Santa's lap! In back, Shari Kiesewetter, Principal J. Miller, Annette McGee,
Beth Van Amburgh, Lori Moores.
Double click photo for larger
image.
9. TURN THE OTHER CHEEK. We always
told Charles, especially, to refrain from fighting, since little boys tend to
hit others more. If someone hits you or tries to start a fight, just walk
away, and tell the teacher.
10. PRACTICE THE GOLDEN RULE. "Do
unto others as you would have them do unto you." When I first began teaching,
this Bible verse was posted in almost every classroom. I still believe that
this one rule, closely followed, would encompass most of the things listed
above. Our children heard that verse often.
11. REMEMBER TO PRAY OFTEN AND ATTEND
CHURCH REGULARLY. As our children left for college, we encouraged them to find
a church to attend.
12. STAY CALM, COOL, AND COLLECTED. I
call these the three C's. I have stressed them more in my children's later
years, when I have heard more comments from family members about the stress
they feel in their daily living. I find that the best way to reduce stress is
through prayer, and turning my problems over to God. Faith and hope have a
great deal to do with helping reduce stress during these hectic days in which
we find ourselves. During these stressful times, as the inspirational poem,
Footprints in the Sand, so beautifully expresses this thought, God will
pick you up and carry you through the storm until you find life calm again.
“Let go and let God” is another way this thought is expressed.
13. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, SO TRY!
TRY AGAIN! Sometimes the urge of one of our children was to quit after not
accomplishing a task on the first try. Hank and I tried to encourage each of
them to keep trying until they achieved the tasks they had set out to do. "You
were not born knowing that, so you have to practice until you can do it. Keep
trying!" Some learned more quickly than others that, "If at first you don't
succeed, try, try again." Those children practiced without frustration. Others
became more stressed, but upon accomplishing the task, there was a visible
look of success written across their faces.
14. BE POLITE, CONSIDERATE,
THOUGHTFUL, AND USE YOUR MANNERS. Hank and I tried to instill these traits in
our children, too. We were far from perfect parents, however, we tried again
to stress empathy for others.
15. A GOOD DAY'S WORK FOR A GOOD
DAY'S PAY. We expected our children to share in the chores around the house.
We also tried to teach them that any job worth doing is worth doing right.
Whenever there was a job to be done, it should be done right, promptly and
diligently. Also, they were taught that they should try to do their best at
whatever job they were hired to do.
Hopefully, our children, through
their church, schools, and home, gained much awareness in how to choose and
use good moral values and Christian ethics in their daily living.
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Epilogue
We
continued to strut and fret our hours upon new stages as curtains closed at
the end of May, 1995. I was returning to a stage where I had spent more than
half of my life. For the first time, I would experience true retirement,
without a job or parenting responsibilities to take up the majority of my
time.
Mary and Amy touring
San Francisco, CA. Double click photo for larger
image.
My children and grandchildren were
scattered from Charlotte to Nashville, Memphis, Dallas, San Antonio, and
Minnesota. My brothers, sisters, and all of the Denman and Hankins extended
families were living in many different places, too. One thing was certain,
however. We all had the same Director as we continued to play out our lives,
wherever that happened to be.
Leora Bullen, Kitty and Gypsy Norton, 1991.
Double click photo for larger
image.
Our candles kept glowing, providing
light to other members of the Cox, Denman and Hankins families. Those little
lights were lit by the grace of God, whose light shines in the darkness, and
the darkness has never extinguished it. With this assurance, I could face the
unknown future of beginning my retirement years back in my former home in
Greeneville, Tennessee. Eagerly, I anticipated the rekindling of ties with old
friends, relatives, and my church.
I also looked forward to continuing
to travel around God’s beautiful world, keeping in touch with family and
friends elsewhere, and helping others whenever possible. The last five years
of the century and millennium lay before all of us, with all of the joys and
sorrows they would bring to our families.
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